Today, we are talking about the three signs that you or someone you know may have a codependent relationship with social media. All three of these signs were me in the relationship I used to have with social media. I’m excited and a bit nervous to share. There is so much I’ve learned over the past few years while being on an intense, personal growth and healing journey. I’m now starting to see how many of those lessons and things that I’ve learned apply to business as well.
I hope sharing these applications can help bring you some self-awareness and more alignment in your work and life. Disclaimer: I’m not a therapist or certified life coach, but I have done a lot of personal work learning what codependency is and how it’s affected my life. Which for me, for the last almost six years has been online, including social media.
What Does Being Codependent mean?
Let’s start out with the definition. The Merriam Webster definition of codependency is “a psychological condition or relationship in which a person manifesting low self-esteem and a strong desire for approval has an unhealthy attachment to another.” Hopefully that gives you an idea of what a codependent relationship might look like.
Now So let’s get into those three signs…
1. Addiction to External Validation
The first sign that someone may have a codependent relationship with social media is an addiction to external validation. This means needing constant validation. If someone doesn’t have a rooted sense of self, they need that from another source. They post with the intent of gaining approval. Are people going to like it, agree or comment? Is it going to get any validation?
They may base their own opinion of themselves on what reaction they get or don’t get from their audience. They’re not able to simply create content, because a message on their heart. They feel that they’re supposed to show up and deliver. They create things they hope will get them validation from their audience.
This sign is especially rampant in the network and social marketing industry. The way it’s set up to shout out rank advancements keeps the whole machine turning. I don’t have a problem with the industry itself, but it does set people up to have an unhealthy relationship with social media.
If you hear nothing else today, I want to tell you to stop giving your power away to strangers on the internet. Stop giving your power away to anyone in general. Do not show up to please other people. Show up in your own power with the message that’s on your heart to share in your unique and special way.
2. Lack of Boundaries
The second sign of a codependent relationship with social media is the inability to respect boundaries. Do you set boundaries around what you share, time spent online, etc., but ignore your own boundaries? You might share more than you’re comfortable with online to get validation.
Another example of not respecting your boundaries is never saying no. Do you have trouble saying no to your teammates, upline or virtual assistants? Self-sacrifice and putting someone else’s needs before your own in itself is not a bad concept. Now, when it means putting in this effort to show up and help for them to care, join you or buy from you it’s a different story.
It’s boils down to getting validation and needs met through social media versus showing up to connect. Again, I’m speaking to an older version of myself and when I didn’t even realize what was going on. It can become somewhat of an addiction. If you are getting that validation from social media. You show up exhausted, because you need that. It’s a codependent relationship.
3. Excessive Worry
Let’s hit the third sign that someone may have a codependent relationship with social media. This sign is excessive worry about others’ opinions or needs. How might this look when it comes to social media? It’s putting what you think your audience needs and what you think they may want above your own authentic lifestyle and thoughts. This may look like worrying that your content may not be accepted, validated or liked. It’s more about getting your needs met and feeling worthy of attention versus creating and sharing from an authentic place.
We may find ourselves thinking if we are our real selves and say what we think we will not be accepted or loved. We might even get that troll. A family member or our spouse might disapprove. There’s all kinds of ways we could worry about others opinions, especially on the internet. When it gets to a point where you change your narrative or posts to cater to what someone else finds appealing, that’s a red flag.
On the flip side, when you feel like you need something from your audience, you also may end up expecting more than is reasonable from them. If you don’t get those needs met, needy energy can come through and nobody likes that, right? I know you’ve seen people show up like that. It feels like they’re trying so hard. I’ve definitely been in a place where I was presenting a version of myself that was a partial version and was really tempering the things that I thought. I was worried about validation or lack of validation and approval from people on the internet.
Remember, do not give your power away to strangers or anyone on the internet. One thing that I learned is that if you don’t trust that someone will love you and like you just for being you, then you can’t ever have a real genuine relationship with them or anyone including those that you want to serve on social media.
You have to trust that the people who you are meant for will love you for being you. It shouldn’t be about who likes or loves you anyway. It should be about how you can serve them and how you can show up in a powerful way that encourages, inspires educates and entertains your audience on social media, your blog or podcast or wherever.
Codependent Relationship Recap
The three signs that you or someone you may know has a codependent relationship with social media:
1. Addiction to external validation
2. Lack of respect for boundaries, time or otherwise
3. Excessive worry about others’ opinions or needs from you.
Why It Matters
Now let’s talk about why this all matters. Why are we really talking about this?
Because he and Noah have a point. You know, your girl is ready to bring it home. Dependency on validation from social media will keep you in companies that you don’t feel in alignment with. It will keep you on teams you don’t feel in alignment with. It will also keep you creating content that isn’t what you really want to be creating. You’ll start feeling inauthentic, come across as inauthentic and definitely will not standing out. I want you to have the freedom and the feeling of how much cleaner it is to show up and serve versus showing up to receive validation.
I’m the first to admit that I definitely did have this at certain points. It meant a lot to me to receive that validation, because I was not giving it to myself. I had not yet learned to love and accept myself. How can we really expect anyone else to love or accept us or to treat us in a particular way, if we cannot even do that for ourselves. It’s so important. Once you break this chain of being codependent upon the validation of social media or others, you really will start to be attracted to different types of people, opportunities, and ways of building your influence, impact and income online. Not to sound cheesy, but you’ll feel freer to make those Maverick moves.
If you are ready to build an evergreen framework for authentic influence and multiple streams of income through a blog without the never-ending hustle of social media, you definitely want to get started in the Impact, Influence and Income Academy course. In this course, you’ll learn exactly how to market your message products, services, and or opportunities in a way that gets you Googleable. You’ll spend your time creating content that lights you up, and will be around for the longterm to get you off the hamster wheel. Especially if you’re someone who’s struggling to break that co-dependent relationship with getting validation from social media, it can be so addictive and so toxic. I will leave a link in the show notes for that course, as well as some other options for you.
If you’re not yet at the place where you’re ready to build out more of a long-term marketing framework, maybe you’re just getting into building your personal brand online, making that shift from mom, boss, or boss, babe, to aligned CEO and influencer. We are all at different stages in this game.I am so thankful for you. I’m here to support you.
If you are here for more content like this, make sure to tune into the Maverick Mompreneur Podcast and I would super appreciate if you would leave a review as well.